Remembering with Peace

When you've suffered a loss, it takes time to go through the different stages of grief. As you process emotions and life rushes past you at its hurried pace, you may feel that the memory of your loss is pushed aside. Then when you have time to deal with those memories, the hurt is dredged up again.

It's important to take the time you need to heal and enlist the help of others. In the event of miscarriage, some people may not want to give you any grieving time. They will expect you to be 100% a few days later. It's hard to understand why some people aren't able to comprehend that suffering a miscarriage is a great loss, a death, a pain-filled occurrence.

Do not lose yourself to others' expectations. It is reasonable to expect a full recovery from a miscarriage in a reasonable amount of time--this time varies for each individual.
There are a few things that you might be able to do to help in this time of suffering.

• Create a memory garden with beautiful perennial plants and flowers for your sweet baby.

• Plant a lilac bush or a tree and tell yourself that as this tree grows, so will you continue to grow in strength and courage to face each day.

• If you aren't the gardening type, you can purchase a houseplant. I have African Violets that are ten years old and a variety of houseplant that is thirteen years old that require very little maintenance and grows beautifully.

• Keep a journal. You will be amazed when you look back in years to come and see your own personal growth. For more on this subject, read this post http://copingwithmiscarriage.blogspot.com/2010/09/sometimes-it-takes-trial-to-recognize.html

Most important is to remember with peace. Let go of the overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief and find a measure of peace in this trial. It may take weeks, months, or years, but it is my prayer that you will find and feel peace.

Sometimes It Takes a Trial to Recognize Who We Are

I believe that this life is a time for us to experience many things both good and bad. Of course, I'd rather just experience the good, but I also realize why I have trials--to learn. During those hard times of life when I'm facing a trial it is hard to see anything but the grief and agony I'm going through as I try to overcome whatever obstacle is blocking my path to happiness.

I would definitely define miscarriage as an unpleasant trial. During the time when my husband and I were going through the sadness and disappointment of miscarriages, I was wearing the blinders of grief. I couldn't see very far into the future because I felt like I was drowning in a pool of sorrow.
Thank goodness our perspective can change over time. I can now look back at those unpleasant times and recognize the things I learned.

I wanted to share one of those things with you today. I learned that I am of individual worth.
Yes, it's a phrase I repeated every Sunday in Young Women's, but I only understood the surface of that statement. During the years when I yearned and prayed for a baby, I often questioned my self-worth. When I had repeated miscarriages, I wondered if Heavenly Father didn't think I was good enough to be a mother. I often wondered if I was a good enough person to be deserving of a child--was that why my prayers for a baby weren't being answered?
After my first miscarriage and subsequent years of infertility, I was walking through the refiner's fire. I began to realize something about myself and how important I was to our Heavenly Father's plan. It was shortly before my second miscarriage when I finally began to accept the truth that "I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and I am of infinite worth." I realized that it didn't matter if I ever had children on this earth--Heavenly Father loves me! Heavenly Father knows my individual worth.

I was able to accept and cope with my second miscarriage in an entirely different way than I had faced my first miscarriage. It was still horrible. I was still sad and grieving, but through all that I was experiencing I could feel a sense of peace about God, about my Savior Jesus Christ, and of their infinite wisdom and love for me.

I want you to know that you are also of individual, infinite worth. Read this line aloud: I am of individual and infinite worth and am not defined solely by my earthly circumstances.

This does not mean that your trials will be easy. It doesn't mean that you won't grieve and mourn when you experience a miscarriage or other type of trial in your life. What it does mean is that no matter what happens to you, despite all that you might endure, this truth will never change: You are of individual worth.

Through my trials, I came to the conclusion that even if I was never able to bear children, I am still of infinite worth. This truth came so powerfully to me that I knew I could keep forging ahead and keep trying despite the pain. Sometimes it takes a trial to recognize who we are--the important thing is to grab hold of that truth and remember who we are for the trials in our future.