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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Mending Your Heart

Dianne recently commented on another of my blog posts:
"I had a miscarriage 36 years ago, and it's not something that a woman forgets."

It is so true.
You'd think that for me, with three kids now, it wouldn't even cross my mind. But sometimes it hits me and I know that the loss didn't disappear, didn't dissolve just because I have kids. The pain definitely diminished, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't have loved to have those children too.

It's another myth of miscarriage that you should just get over it, take your short bereavement period and move on. A huge myth that has pervaded this society of women is if you have children either before or after the miscarriage you lose your right to mourn. One of my goals with this blog and my book is to dispel the myths surrounding miscarriage. I believe that if we could rid ourselves of the myths and their baggage, we might have a more successful grieving period and feel okay living in our own skin again.

If you've had a miscarriage and you're grieving your loss, may God bless you. I hope that you continue to feel stronger and know that it's okay to have a tiny corner of your heart that pangs for that loss even several years later, not that I'm debilitated by it, but that I do remember. But now I've accepted that life will not always be happy blooming roses and yet I can enjoy it all the same.


  1. For people to suggest that you should "get over it" is cruel. The children lost in a miscarriage are a part of you and you have the right to remember them forever. And every woman should have the right to take as long as needed to grieve the loss of the life (or lives)of which they were about to be a part.

  2. Thank you, Cindy. I'm so thankful for those people who do understand.

  3. It's so true each woman needs & deserves her own way to mend her heart. She just needs the right kind of support to help her through it. Thank you for your work, Rachelle!

  4. I just had my 3rd miscarriage 4 months ago. I do have 4 healthy children. I at time feel like I do not have the right to be sad because I already have 4 kids. Truth is though that I am sad. On top of having a miscarriage, trying to get pregnant again when you should already be pregnant is really hard too.


  5. Danette,
    I'm sorry for your pain. You do have a right to be sad. Even if you had 12 kids already, the baby you lost is still your baby. Yes, I agree it's important to be grateful for what we do have, but it's okay to mourn.
    I think what you mentioned was one of the hardest things for me--trying to get pregnant and thinking that I should already be holding my baby now.
    You're in my thoughts and thank you for sharing.


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