A New Year Is Born

It's difficult to begin a new year with a monkey on your back. It's hard to look forward with hope for accomplishing new goals with grief overshadowing each step.
It hurts to look at an empty calendar and feel the emptiness inside an abdomen that should be stretching, reaching toward that due date in March--the birth of the new spring--a beautiful time for a baby to be born. My first pregnancy--my first baby--was supposed to be born in March. I don't think I coped very well at the time, to the days passing, months passing, and all I had to carry with me was emptiness as I didn't conceive. My baby's due date passed, an entire year passed, and still I wasn't pregnant.

That was nine years ago. Nine years ago that I started a new year that passed without fulfilling my hope of becoming a mother.Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and whisper to myself, "Rachelle, you will become a mother on April 29, 2003. It will be one of the happiest days of your life."
But I can't do that and it's probably for the best. The experiences that shaped me, that shape each one of us, make us who we are.

I hope that you will look up at that cloud of grief shading you from the sun and find strength to face this new year. Make some goals. They can be simple, they can be complex, but they must be goals that you will strive to achieve. Work towards goals to keep yourself growing through life's experiences to become your true self that lies hidden in the tears of sorrow, adversity, and grief--the true self that is strong enough to overcome this trial and face another year.

If this is your new year facing loss, please reach out to someone for help and comfort. Leave a comment, send an email to rachellethewriterAT gmail.com if you'd like, and keep reading this blog. I will continue to update through the year with more of my story and tips to help you as we approach the release date of my book in May 2010- Lost Children:Coping with Miscarriage.